Psychology professors define motivation as "the process that initiates, guides and maintains goal-oriented behaviours." So therefore, motivation is what causes us to act, whether it is getting a glass of water to reduce thirst or riding a bicycle race to win that said race.

Recently I have very much been considering motivation. It's not the first thought I have had since surgery, but it is the most useful. I started thinking about what motivates other athletes. Then quickly stopped. I put the focus on me. I really wanted to delve into what motivates me. I also feel like sharing it. I don't claim to be a psychology expert, but I do claim to know myself. It's the one thing I am sure of. I won't lay out my full thought process, because that shall take forever. Im pretty sure that'll motivate you to leave, in search of pictures of pantomime zebras doing the running man. Just in case...

First off, I was thinking of a few common motivators I have heard / read from athletes across all sports. Like "basketball was a way out of the ghetto" from Allen Iverson, the NBA player. Or, "running gave me freedom" from Billy Mills, the native American who won the 10km at the Tokyo Olympics. Sure they can be massive motivators. But they don't relate to me. I don't live in a ghetto. My parents have worked hard, own a house in a nice area, let me live rent free. Cycling does not give me freedom. I have it anyway. I'm not confined to live in a place I don't want to, and I'm not trying to get away from anything. Apart from perhaps, the constant stream of cups of tea my mother is bringing me whilst i'm recovering. But as my blood slowly turns to Indian tea leaves, it's not anything to motivate me to stay a professional cyclist.

Annoyingly I had to think a little harder. Even when I have been living in some holes across Belgium, when I'm racing I'm not thinking, "I have to make it to stop living here." Before I was a full time cyclist I loved my bike. More than anything, or so I thought. When I stopped making boxes at a box factory to make money to go abroad, and became full time, I rode my bike the very next day. I recently worked at a Scottish national junior team camp recently and I was explaining this story to one of the riders, who is 17 and looks older than I do, but that's another story. It was really raining hard, and I rode past a group of workers in the road. They were so miserable, I still remember their faces. They were soaked through, tired, freezing cold. So was I. But, they were hating life and I could not have been happier. I was riding my bike knowing I was a full time athlete. It was my job. Even now when I (occasionally) train in the rain I remember that day.

I want to ride and race my bike everyday, to ride and race my bike everyday. I have to. I was never happier than that moment when I rode past the road workers. I have won races abroad, don't get me wrong I was over the moon when I did that. But, at the end of a season when I know I have a team, some funding, support from everyone I know, and good enough health to train - nothing beats that feeling. That feeling only gets better the higher the level of team I go to. I feel like I am a part of bike racing.

To quote that bloke Leonardo Di Caprio plays in The Beach - "I still believe in paradise. But now I know it's not some place you can look for. Because its not where you go: it's how you feel for a moment in your life when you're a part of something". So based on that, bike racing is my paradise. And, I'm here to stay. For a while at least.

I'm gutted it was Di Caprio who said those words. I'd have been happier if it had been James Dean.